Fine. Dicks it is.

Tucked away in Cyberpunk 2077's character customisation menu are several options that allow you to sculpt your very own cybercock or digivag, independent of all the other choices you make. There's only one kind of vagina in this dystopian future, unfortunately, but there are two kinds of dick, and they both come in various sizes. The future is here!


(Image credit: CD Projekt Red)
You can pick either a circumcised or uncircumcised wang, and then fiddle around with the size. Impressively, CD Projekt Red has included literally every conceivable penis type: small, big and default. Everyone's covered! Even the little fella has some heft to it thanks to the willy physics. And once you're done picking, you can even move onto the pubic hair, maybe giving yourself a wee love heart or a strip.

Unfortunately, you can't please everyone.

forgot I followed this subreddit pic.twitter.com/FzlUIJYSbMDecember 10, 2020

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The Witcher 3 has plenty of bedroom (and unicorn) shenanigans, and of course it's the source of our beloved Tub Geralt, but we never even get a glimpse of his undoubtedly very pale penis, so this is one area where Cyberpunk has its predecessor beat—but there's stiff competition from another game.

Conan Exiles, Funcom's loincloth-loving survival romp, has the cock market cornered. When it launched in Early Access back in 2017, it transfixed the world with its schlong slider, truly letting us capture all the variety and vibrancy of trouser trunks. With a slider, anything is possible. Want your barbarian to proudly flaunt a wee nub? Go ahead! Want to intimidate your foes with something the size of a forearm? Do it! Hours and hours of fun.

Watch Chris playing with his below.

NSFW but Conan Exiles has an endowment slider. Big dong, little dong, big dong, little dong pic.twitter.com/MNgGsmlv32January 30, 2017

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And here's an action shot.

NSFW, more cock & balls from Conan Exile. I hope this is earning me XP pic.twitter.com/159udrkgIpJanuary 30, 2017

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This was all the way back in 2017! We had the technology then! Given all the glaring bugs Cyberpunk launched with, CDPR no doubt had other things to worry about instead of giving us more diverse genitals. It's still a shame, though, especially since you'll probably end up seeing that penis quite a lot. If you want to buy MMoexp POE currency trade please visit https://www.mmoexp.com/Path-of-exile/Currency.html .